A while back, I
wrote about the fact that people
treat me differently now that I have long hair. I don't really know why
this is true, but here's a theory.
For almost all of my
life, I have been decidedly different from other people. I like different kinds
of music, I like different kinds of food. I prefer more individual sports, most
of which make for bad television, and thus don't tend to be fodder for water
cooler conversation. I like finding my own way of doing things, rather than
learning what everyone else is doing and repeating it. I don't obsess over
whether I "fit in" at work, and I never did at school. I've always
been comfortable doing my own thing, playing alone if I must, resisting
unwanted peer pressure, and so on.
For most of my life,
this has served me quite well. Avoiding peer pressure kept me entirely out of
risky adolescent and young adult situations. I've never had a problem with
drugs, and I've never let social norms or pressures dictate my romantic
relationships. My preference for individual sports like running eventually lead
to many several high school track and cross-country records, a top-ten ranking,
a full-ride scholarship to a Division-1A NCAA university, and a varsity letter
there. My preference for funny intellectual pursuits lead to some good academic
choices that, in turn, lead to a satisfactory and in some ways lucrative
career. My insistence on finding my own way gave me above-average creative
ability in music, which has provided me with a (so far) lifelong rock music
performance hobby with many good friends who are excellent musicians. Despite
occasionally rubbing up against people who resent those who are different, my
being different has worked out wonderfully for me.
Despite all these
differences, however, I've never been particularly individualistic about my
physical appearance. For most of my life, I've had short, clean-cut hair. My
fashion sense has always gravitated toward classic time-honored articles of
clothing like jeans, polo shirts, cargo shorts, and earth tones; at work, I've
always preferred classic dress shirts and flat-front slacks, even occasionally
wearing ties. I've avoided styles that struck me as being too trendy, such as
hair coloration, too-baggy or too-slim-fitting pants and shirts, facial hair,
and so on. I've never had a piercing, nor do I have any tattoos.
Now that I think
about it, this combination of a rather conservative outward appearance combined
with a rather eccentric and highly individualistic mental disposition is a
little mismatched. The most stereotypically individualistic people are often
artists and bohemians, whose fashion sense tends to match their free spirits.
The most stereotypically conservative, pro-social people are often those who
dress the most traditionally, in unassuming clothing that fits in pretty much
anywhere.
A possible result of
this mismatch of mine is that people see me,
and expect a highly conservative, pro-social, conformist kind of a person. When
they discover that my mental disposition is decidedly individualistic and
personally expressive, perhaps some of them have interpreted me as being
stubborn, aloof, rude. A man who looks conformist but refuses to conform is
possibly a man who conforms to some
social group, but not yours. This might
trigger thoughts in people's minds: What's wrong with me that he's not going along with my
thing? Why does he keep himself out of my
business? Why does he think he's so special?
Long hair is, in
today's world, one of the more deviant fashion statements a man can make. It is
even more uncommon than tattoos and piercings today. It also tends to evoke the
pacifist imagery of hippies and free spirits, unless men with long hair go out
of their way to dress like goths or metalheads. Especially on a man like me,
who today is dressed in khaki slacks and a polo shirt, long hair presents an
air of non-comformism, but also one of non-aggression. And if a man with long
hair tends to smile a lot, something I've taken upon myself to doing in public
whenever I pass by other people, the peaceful non-conformist presentation is
all but complete.
So, with my long
hair, it's possible that people now expect me to be a little different, perhaps
a bit eccentric, individualistic, and so they're not caught off-guard when I do
or say something quixotic. It's possible that my outward appearance is now better-matched
to my mental disposition, and that because other people now expect me to
express the unexpected, they're more receptive to it.
I'm not certain of
any of this, of course. It's just a theory.
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